Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
