I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
