I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
