can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
