I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
