Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
