I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
