he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
