I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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