a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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