he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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