we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
