everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
