Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
