before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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