she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
