anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
