i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
