she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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