She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
one might say we're banned from that church
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
