I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
