I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
