I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
