Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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