sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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