I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
