to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You have to summon your inner elephant
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
