God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
