Sober January is a disaster.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
