At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
