there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
