I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
