what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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