yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
