Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
