phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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