Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
