How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
