just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
