We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
