Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
