she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
