"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
