I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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