I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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