im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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