Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
