Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
