Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my mouth tastes like poor choices
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
