I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
