all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
NoShamevember. You game?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
