We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
