dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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