Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
