I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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