Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
high people should be assigned attendants
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
